Thousands of people may be affected by an ovary shortage expected to hit Berkeley by the end of the month. “We ask that people remain calm and do not resort to hoarding ovaries,” said Berkeley Mayor Shirley Dean, hoping to … Read More

Thousands of Iraqi peasants prepared for the afterlife last Thursday when it was rumored that Monica Lewinsky would make further allegations concerning her involvement with the President. White House analyst Mitch Westman believes that the American military response will depend … Read More

The intervention of professional wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage was needed to settle a dispute between ASUC executive officials Sanjeev Bery and Lee Fink on Friday.

Wielding a steel folding chair, Savage came to the aid of Bery, ASUC external … Read More