Thousands of Iraqi peasants prepared for the afterlife last Thursday when it was rumored that Monica Lewinsky would make further allegations concerning her involvement with the President. White House analyst Mitch Westman believes that the American military response will depend on the severity of the charges. “For just the oral sex issue, Iraq could only expect a light bombing of their schools and hospitals,” said Westman.
“However, if these rumors prove true, expect to see a large scale destruction spreading across the entire nation.” One Iraqi commented on the allegations: “Allah, please spare my family! Why have you forsaken me?”