- Hitler
- Julia Child
- Jenny Craig 11 months of the year
- The Notorious B.I.G.
- Cookie Monster
- Kenyon Jones
- You, Barry Kurtz, you
- BobaFett
- Joe Eskenazi
- Fiona Apple
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Rejected Chia Things
- Chia ate-a my pizza
- Kia Sephia
- Chia Chia Bang Bang
- And Chong
- Pregnancy Test
- Jesus
- Chia Rodriguez
- Chia Guevara
- Sinead O’Conner
- Ed Asner
- Pubes
- Don King
Top Ten Things To Get
- Tysberg Address
- Your shit together
- Da Fuck Out
- A life
- Funky
- Down
- In line
- Bent
- Out and push
- High, Stupid, and AIDS
Top Ten New Jobs for Seinfeld
- Center, Hollywood Squares
- Paying his American Express Bill
- Cal Football Coach
- Psychic Friend
- Heroin Addict
- White House Intern
- Bad Actor
- Bounty Hunter
- Girl’s Gym Teacher
- Rabbi
Top One Kenyon Jones Facial Expression
- That one that he does about 50 times a game, either after he has fallen down again or when he’s being taken out for screwing up. Again. And again. And again. For Christ sakes, get up Kenyon!!
Top Fourteen Things You Do Not Want To Wake Up and Find Inside Your Ass
- This ridiculous list
- A brontothere (look it up)
- Intel<sup>TM</sup>
- Klingons
- The other white meat
- A human lung
- Bad karma
- A spacious, sunlit apartment located on Northside
- El Nino
- You don’t know what it is, but it’s a-headin’ North.
- Herve Villachez
Top Ten Rejected Bubblicious Bubble Gum<sup>TM</sup> Flavors
- Hemlock
- Green Apple Splatters
- Poppin’ Plastic
- Tropical Tartar Sauce
- Wood Shavings Splash
- Ejaculatte
- Sand and Rock Suprise
- Broken Glass
- Chalky Chalk
- Slammin’ Salt
Top Three Scariest Words in the English Language
- Heart
- Breaky
- Achy
Top Eleven Reasons to Smoke Pot
-
Because altered states of consciousness are the only known antidotes for college.
-
Because, with each purchase, 5% of the profits go to a needy cause.
- Because of the kind of people who don’t. Newt Gingrich doesn’t.
- Because you live in
Top Ten Overheard Lines on the All Dedication Station
- “Yo quiero Taco Bell.”
- “Can you hold on? There’s someone on the other line.”
- “Here’s a shout-out to all the 510 peeps who know that this shit gone down in the Eastside, bee-yotch. Hi mom.”
- “I just wanted someone to
