A press release from the Vatican announced Monday that cardinals researching in the field of theoretical deviance have hypothesized the existence of a “mouth-handjob,” a sexual act unlike any currently recognized by Vatican law.
“Imagine if you will … Read More
In a move widely anticipated by crackpots, President Obama seized God-like monarchical power following the passage of a new piece of gun control legislation on Tuesday. The bill, which limits the number of automatic rifles a citizen can bear to … Read More
These young auteurs are transforming cinema one film at a time. Even if each film is basically the same as the last. In these excerpts from their newest ventures, we see them condense their bold visions into the most perfect … Read More
UPDATE! Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been spotted eating lunch together. Sources report they’re planning to teach us all to love again.
-Will Smith’s dogs are smarter than most college graduates.
-500 Sudanese refugees have found shelter in George … Read More
A bewildered-looking Meg Whitman resigned from the gubernatorial race on Monday, citing her recent discovery that Latin-Americans constitute more than a third of the state’s eligible voters. Whitman had expected to handily carry the white vote, ignoring the presence of … Read More
Dear Campus Community,
We are writing to address a disturbing new trend on campus. You may have heard rumors about a few incidents involving student safety, and we want to assure you that the problem is under control. We … Read More
After a semester of Ethnomusicology 50AC, freshman Bill Muller reports himself conclusively free of all forms of racism, sexism, classism, midgetism, and an entire spectrum of more exotic prejudices. Muller, a Sigma Phi Nu pledge and Business Administration major, says … Read More
Hi Chris,
We’re not about exclusion here at the Adult Explorations club. We try to foster a diverse environment in which Bears of all stripes can act on their desires in a safe, controlled way. And of course, we appreciate … Read More
Christmas
Billy Rand: Hooray! It’s Christmas!
Ayn Rand: Merry Christmas, Billy. It is time for you to unwrap your gifts.
Billy: Oh boy! [rips open present] Wh-what is this?
Ayn: It is a job application. Participation in the … Read More
Some of our more astute readers may have noticed that there was no January issue, while some of our more illiterate readers may have been frightened by the use of “astute” and are now crying and looking for an adult. … Read More
