In a move widely anticipated by crackpots, President Obama seized God-like monarchical power following the passage of a new piece of gun control legislation on Tuesday. The bill, which limits the number of automatic rifles a citizen can bear to one, passed despite brutally destroying any chance we had at saving our personal freedoms.
“How can a man defend himself with only one killing machine?” said Glenn Beck as he was dragged away by the Imperial Death Police. “I mean, what do you think kept any old king from walking though your front door and slaughtering your family for all these years? It sure as hell wasn’t rational thought. Without our guns, we all might as well just shoot ourselves and save them the bullets!”
“Bwa ha ha ha ha!” shouted God-Emperor Obama. When asked to comment he added, “With only handguns, rifles, shotguns, semi-automatic weapons, stun guns and samurai swords to defend themselves, the American people are utterly powerless!”
In light of these recent events in the United States, Canada is now considering repealing its gun control laws. Said Prime Minister Stephen Harper, “Little did we know these laws had been placing us in constant peril, rather than protecting us for years and years and years.”