Okay. Driving. Shit. It’s a lot like going native and building a secret jungle base decorated with human skulls: it requires planning and care.
How can I make you kids understand just what driving is like?
[sits in silence … Read More
With Halloween just around the corner, I’m sure all of you readers out there have been feverishly designing terrible costumes. Ooh, you’re going as Harry Potter! Ever get drafty in your house made of originality? Oh, man, one of those … Read More
After years of grubbing for funds, UC-Berkeley’s physics department is finally given a grant to build the world’s first functioning time machine. A prototype is built, a list of pre-modern broads to have sex with is written up, … Read More
If there’s one thing that open-minded and culturally aware people like me can’t stand, it’s Belgians. One of those waffle-munching fuckers was my roommate for a semester while he studied at Berkeley. Using his charmingly broken English and exotic European … Read More
Dear Reader:
So it looks like the old editors decided to be pricks and graduate. It turns out that they had done some bullshit loophole thing and “completed their core requirements with a minimum grand point average of 2.0.” Well … Read More
What follows are transcripts of conversations between Earth’s creatures about the ups and downs of their love lives, collected through extensive field work and less extensive peyote use.
_Two male lions kick back after a long, hard day of waiting … Read More
March 4, 1187 AD
Today one of my more talkative concubines suggested that I should get a girlfriend. A girlfriend, she said, is a lot like a concubine, except you can’t have sex with other more attractive concubines, and that, … Read More
Local guitar hero Shawn Fallon was disappointed by the lack of women offering to have sex with him after a performance last night. Fallon, who has never played big-people guitar, assumed that his performance in the Guitar Hero video game … Read More
Co-opper: Hey Marx, dinnertime!
Marx: Finally! What are we having?
Co-opper: Tofu and eggplant casserole, fruit we got from Dumpster diving, and some dirt we found in the yard.
Marx:… Read More
Caving in to pressure from campus activists, UC-Berkeley Chancellor Robert Birgeneau announced yesterday that the campus would no longer use sweatshop labor to make its Cal apparel. The resulting wave of layoffs has led to the highest unemployment rate among … Read More
