- Knock over three skyscrapers with a softball
- One of those games with a squirt gun and either galloping horses, or inflating balloons…
- Throw a dart and inflate the balloon
- Toss water into a dish floating on a pool of quarters
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten Beatles Songs Popular in Nazi Germany
-
Paperback Burner
-
I Wanna Seize Your Land
- When I’m 64 Pounds
- Back in the USSR, Where We Lost Half of Our Land Forces
- Yesterday (Allied Forces Seemed So Far Away)
- Strawberry Fields Until the Allies Invade
- With a Little Help
Top Ten New Ethnic Clubs on Campus
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Invade me, I’m French
-
Frisk my anal cavity for drugs, I’m Colombian
- Devalue my currency, I’m Japanese
- Kindly remove the war hammer I’ve embedded in your spine, I’m Mongolian
- Give me your fucking land, I’m American
- Help me to clean
Top Ten Things to Do on a Beautiful Day
- Wake up at 5pm and realize you missed it all
- Find a Frisbee and the closest unshaven girl to play with
- Code photo-realistic 3-D sunlight effect in basement of video game company
- Tape the day, and save it for later
Top Ten Things to Do With Extra Pubic Hair
- Wait…yours or mine?
- Coat it with honey to create “Pubic Hair of Bees”
- String tiny violins
- Walk to Casa Zimbabwe, deposit in shower drain
- Put it in a conspicuous place and use it as the basis for a bad pick-up
Top Ten Medieval Euphemisms For Masturbation
- Choking the fire-breathing dragon
- Polishing the helmet
- Rubbing the Franciscan monk’s bald head
- Grooming the one-eyed horse
- Knighting yourself
- Wielding the longsword
- Erecting a steeple for the cathedral
- Buttering the toast around the Round Table
- Draining the moat
- Evacuating the
Top Ten Things To Hate Because No One Else Does
- Dee-lite’s “Groove is in the Heart”
- Ben and Jerry’s
- Water
- Music
- Firemen
- Dr. Seuss
- Twix Bars
- Babies
- Sunsets
- The Princess Bride
Top Ten New Rides at California Adventure
- Mini-Disneyland with mini-California Adventure
- It’s a Regulated Market After All
- Pirates of Hollywood Avenue
- Hall of Incompetent Governors from Reagen to Davis
- Sweater Vest Mountain
- Bakersfield Klansmen Jamboree
- The Disney Store
- Japanese Tourist Land
- Dotcom Six-story Drop
- Juan y Pablo’s
Top Ten Ways to Conserve Energy
- Only dustbust really dangerous dirt
- Turn off heater, begin sleeping in oven
- Let Grandpa die with dignity
- Only wash car when you have a full load
- Shave balls with disposable razor
- Unplug yourself, if you’re an appliance or robot
- Rapidly
Top Ten Things A Hyperintelligent Cat Would Do If He Got His Paws On An Old Vinyl Record
- Try in vain to do anything whatsoever, batting it hopelessly with his tiny paws, while his patronizing human masters fawn over him.
- Sell it; buy tuna fish with profits
- Break it in half, because he knows karate
- Poop on it
