- Good Friday just Casual Friday
- Really confusing as to who Gandalf symbolizes
- Science gets a tally in the “win” column
- It’s just “The Testament” now
- WWJD commonly understood as “Who Wants Jack Daniels?”; provides little moral direction
- If you’re Jewish,
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- Licorice Ropenhagen
- Good n’ Plenty n’ Benson n’ Hedges
- Mr. Goodbarliament
- Kohibaz 4 Kidz
- Uncle Colonel’s Old Timey Smooth Carolina Tobaffy: the Tobacco-Taffy
- Lucky Strike n’ Ikes
- Merit Badges
- Skoal-Aid
- Virjunior Slim-mints
- Caramelboro
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- Hard to find a foursome, but if you do, it’s really worth it
- Gophers make it more interesting
- The fewer poor people involved, the better
- First time uncomfortable, takes too long
- Both were invented by the Scottish
- Really unusual to
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- Newsweek ranked it #153 based on AP “Silently Assassinating Lord Toranaga of the Ponzu Province” Scores
- Teachers predominantly Dutch
- Chuck Norris gives commencement speech EVERY YEAR
- Professor of Stealth: Jimmy Cymbal-Shoes
- Other ninja schools consider you a ninja party school
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- Hey, can I mug your jugs while we enjoy jugs of Mug?
- Damn girl, you got value. Just like Safeway Select cola.
- You’ve got me so hot that I’ve got to call a doctor. And that doctor is Dr. Pepper…
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- Totally Shaved Eagle
- Cummingbird
- Barely Legal Fledglings
- Uncircumcised Cockatoo
- Black-and-larger-than-average-bird
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- Margarita: the Tijuana Hooker with AIDS
- Anything from Pike
- Schnapps Your Neck
- Three Mile Island Iced Tea
- Shirley Temple (see her career)
- White Russian Roulette
- Manhattan Project
- Drive-by Shooter
- Unprotected Sex on the Beach
- Smirnoff Ice Pick in the Heart
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- Men More Capable
- Unwillingness to Put Nose to the Grindstone… of semen
- Unwillingness to Get Feet Wet… with semen
- Chutes & Ladders… but mostly just chutes
- Giant Rotating Fan Blade
- Greasy Wall
- Out-of-Fuel Jet Pack
- Hard to Walk in Heels
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- Wears a lot of turtlenecks
- Enjoys “musical theatre,” insofar as “musical theatre” is “being homosexually dominated”
- Insists on scented candles when dripping hot wax onto his groin
- Sports leather platform boots when attending ’70s-themed parties, when not attending ’70s-themed parties
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