- Sambi
- Aladdin Jones
- Finding Nee-fro
- The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and This Huge Black Guy Who Hates White People
- Snow Honkey and the Seven Jive Turkeys
- The Foxy Bitch and the Hound
- Black Beauty and the Beast
- The
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- The Magic of Reading
- Contracting HIV but maintaining a high T-cell count
- Removing grape juice from a carpet with Oxy-Clean
- Turning a half-full glass of water into a half-empty glass of water
- Levitating a Hovercraft
- Reading your own mind
- Unzipping
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- Where did the last four hours go?
- Could somebody really get aroused by this?
- How can I harness the awesome power of Immortality Cubes?
- Is “analfisting” one word or two?
- How would Sonic’s marriage to Princess Toadstool really go?
- What
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- You played a retarded guy, but it was a documentary
- Your credit: “Assistant to Mr. Top”
- The title of your movie replaces a word that sounds like “monkey” with the word “monkey”
- “Man’s Head Exploding” flipbook not technically a movie
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- Stand on him and urinate
- Get him a job in Hollywood
- Become international celebrity, get cancer, make baldness trendy
- Read something
- Be a pro-Semite, whatever that is
- Make yarmulkes out of Nazi flags
- Bank
- Vote for someone who isn’t Buchanan
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- Tangerines and Acid Trips, My Battle with Robots
- Super Gook 2005
- Still Better than Creed
- The Yellow Album
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- Susan Sarandon Takes a Dump on This Guy in the Back of a Fiat
- There’s No Dodging Eric Gagne’s Pitcher of Cum
- George Michael’s Coming in His GMC
- Minnie Driver and the Mini Driver
- Mercedes Ruehl Benz Over
- Robert Gouchevrolay
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- One leg at a time
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- Cheating on your ugly girlfriend
- Buying a Toyota Prius and using the gas you saved to burn forests
- Reading to deaf people
- Killing an anti-Pope
- Aborting Hitler
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