Top Ten Signs You Aren’t in Oscar Contention

  1. You played a retarded guy, but it was a documentary
  2. Your credit: “Assistant to Mr. Top”
  3. The title of your movie replaces a word that sounds like “monkey” with the word “monkey”
  4. “Man’s Head Exploding” flipbook not technically a movie
  5. Despite the widespread popularity of your movie, you’re still R. Kelly
  6. There is more than one X in the title of your movie
  7. Any films in which you’ve appeared have been recorded by convenience store surveillance cameras
  8. Your last name ends in “-ayans”
  9. Reviews describe you as “acne-scarred”
  10. Your production company is named “Miramaxish”