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Wears a lot of turtlenecks
Enjoys “musical theatre,” insofar as “musical theatre” is “being homosexually dominated”
Insists on scented candles when dripping hot wax onto his groin
Sports leather platform boots when attending ’70s-themed parties, when not attending ’70s-themed parties … Read More
Sports an “Old Delta Bluesman” T-shirt, but not ironically
Ken Burns always peering through the windows
Lots of red suspenders
His room always smells like whiskey and tears
Don’t done got no replacement toilet roll
Every week, Eric Clapton stops … Read More
Elect him again, for the first time
Now more than ever, horses in midstream like Ike
Continue remembering September 11th
And this time, we won’t need Jesus!
Eight amendments down, 19 to go
Play it again, Scalia
This may be … Read More
Madison, the most retarded name of all
Skee-Ball
Mrs. Carlson, or whatever the name of their social worker is
Disneyland
Graham Crackers
… Read More
You’re just coming to grips with your hobosexuality
You’re protesting clean, safe sex with attractive people
You’re a member of CalPIRG
He said he was a doctor and he swore he’d call you sometime
You’re from Stanford, and it’s better … Read More
My fetus is an honor student at
Free China, Stop Tibet
Keep your nanomachines out of
We’re here, we’re queer, we’re 50% of the US Population
Stop the Dolphins
Save the Whale
US out of Eurochinaustralia … Read More
Baby GUTS
Hey Dude, Yeah You, Fucker
You’re Doing That on Television
What Would You Do, NAKED?!
Super Duper Triple Quarduple Dare
The Fairly Obvious World of
Pepe and Pepe
Wild and Crazy but Medicated Kids
Clarissa Explains … Read More
