Top Ten Signs Your Leather Slave Might Be Gay

  1. Wears a lot of turtlenecks
  2. Enjoys “musical theatre,” insofar as “musical theatre” is “being homosexually dominated”
  3. Insists on scented candles when dripping hot wax onto his groin
  4. Sports leather platform boots when attending ’70s-themed parties, when not attending ’70s-themed parties
  5. Exceptional at pairing wines with whatever he’s forced to eat from a doggy bowl
  6. Speaks through ball gag with slight lisp
  7. Owns assless chaps; conspicuously lacks horse
  8. Instead of Home Depot, shops at Restoration Hardware for heavy-duty bondage gear
  9. Has Tom Selleck mustache; is not Tom Selleck
  10. Wears earring in right nipple