A local student’s attempts to win attention and favor at a recent social gathering were marred by his use of one of “Playboy’s Party Jokes.” At a conversational lull, San Francisco State junior Eric Rice recited a drollery he’d carefully … Read More

A recent forum on condemned death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal was rocked by the surprise appearance by the boy who refused to grow up, Peter Pan. Pan stood up at the meeting and implored Mumia supporters to drown out the … Read More

In a joint session of Congress this week, both houses moved to declare a “thumb war” on Iraq. Citing numerous violations of the Geneva Convention including “sorta moving up their arm to get better leverage,” Senator Phil Gramm (R-Texas) said … Read More

UC Berkeley sophomore David King remains devastated, one night after a near-encounter with the girl of his secret dreams resulted in one-sided heartbreak. Upon seeing fellow sophomore Emma Sullivan walking hand-in-hand with an as-yet unidentified male companion on Channing Way, … Read More

A spokesman for Milton Bradley reported a dramatic plunge in sales of their popular game Battleship in the greater Moscow area. The sales decline, along with the arrival of the millenium edition of Don’t Break the Ice!, threatens to torpedo … Read More

In a move that threatens the already volatile political climate in the Durant Food Court, northern barbarians have taken control of the Mandarin House and established a provincial government. The popular Chinese restaurant was seen as ripe for potential takeover … Read More