It’s February, and we’re all still here. After months of warnings, countless disaster tests, and millions of gallons of emergency water, the Y2K bug was the most overhyped disappointment since The Phantom Menace. Though let down, I don’t blame … Read More
Tag Archives: Sean Keane
Walker
Bearded Ranger
On a recent lonely Saturday night, I found myself watching an episode of CBS’s prime-time action-drama, “Walker: Texas Ranger.” As I watched Chuck Norris use his feet of fury to preserve liberty and justice for white Texans, I was struck … Read More
Daily Cal Columnist Writes Meta-Meta-Column
Daily Cal columnist Jen Price broke new ground recently when she wrote her weekly column about writing about her weekly column. Answering disgruntled letter writers who felt it was cheap and lazy to write columns that simply answered disgruntled letter … Read More
Campbell Demands “Stop Calling Me Kubiac!”
UC Berkeley junior Patrick Campbell vehemently denied earlier this week that he is actually “Kubiac,” the monosyllabic gentle giant from the early- 90s sitcom “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.” “I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m Kubiac,” exclaimed a frustrated Campbell … Read More
Tony Danza Loses Last Shred of Diginity
With the airing this week of his twentieth commercial for 10-10-220, Tony Danza has lost his final shred of dignity. Danza’s decline began with the cancellation of his sitcom, “Hudson Street,” and continued through two more horrific television failures. The … Read More
New and Improved Cal Drinking Games
Although UC Berkeley is known worldwide as a leader in excellence in education, there is one area in which Cal students are distressingly mediocre. Students get drunk in the same usual way that students get drunk at any major university. … Read More
A Guide to Shorthand Conversations
Recently, the amount of meaningless, worthless conversations on the Berkeley
campus has escalated to a disturbing level. Perhaps it’s just the angst of
post-modern man, maybe it’s the anxiety caused by the impending millennium,
or maybe it’s just nostalgia for … Read More
Interview With The “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Dog
Heuristic Squelch: We’re talking today with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” chihuahua, who has rocketed to fame with a series of popular commercials. Thanks for consenting to the interview.
Chihuahua: Thanks for having me.
H.S.: Now, before we begin, are … Read More
Cal NERDs Aim Virtual Sights High
BERKELEY, CA – Unknown to most Berkeley students is the secret underground supercomputing facility hidden below the dining commons. Here, industrious computer science students are working around the clock to find the Pamela Anderson sex tapes and “kick a lot … Read More
