An FBI luncheon was spoiled this week when a masked thief made off with an entire cart of hamburgers, which were to serve as the entrees for the event. One eye witness described the suspect as “four feet tall, with … Read More
Tag Archives: newsflash
Bowflex Man Not Bowflexing
Flex Plan Bodybuilder Henry James, of Bowflex commercial fame, recently admitted to friends and family that his workout regiment, which maintains remarkably stiff quads, bulging pecs, and tantalizing abs, rarely includes 20 to 30 minutes on the Bowflex machine as … Read More
Needle Lost in Haystack
Onlookers at Loss for Metaphor
A needle was misplaced in a haystack earlier this week, setting the stage for a task which many liken to a very difficult thing to do.
“Yup. It’s lost in there and finding it is going to be like trying … Read More
He-Man Arrested For Indecent Exposure
Prince Adam, also known as “He-Man,” was arrested Saturday at a club in Eternia for indecent exposure and disturbing the peace.
“I don’t care if he is the protector of Greyskull or whatever he was talking about, no one is … Read More
Apartment Vaguely Smells Like Gas
Berkeley resident and UC student Gil Hendricks returned last week from winter break to his apartment which, for unknown reasons, sort of smells vaguely like gas.
“I don’t know. Do you smell that?” Hendricks asked companions as he wandered through … Read More
Guy In <i>Lord of the Rings</i> Also Guy From <i>The Matrix</i>
An audible murmur passed through the audience at a recent screening of The Lord of the Rings when all four hundred moviegoers simultaneously realized that Hugo Weaving, playing Elrond in the fantasy screen adaptation, is the guy who played Agent … Read More
Cosplayer Loosely Resembles Anime Character
Leslie Carpenter, or Carpento-chan, as she is known among friends and online acquaintances, appreared at Santa Clara’s Fanime-Con “Der Cosplay” Masquerade event bearing a striking near-resemblance to the character Ayanami Rei from the popular Japanese anime Neon Genesis Evangelion. And … Read More
Bad Dreams Afoot
A left foot fell asleep after a few minutes resting in an awkward position beneath the right lower thigh. The foot reveled in dreams of being the right foot, kicking soccer balls, taking the first step, and fondling other naked … Read More
Afghans Inadvertently Observe Ramadan
Clerics in Kabul report that nearly 100% of the citizens of Afghanistan are strictly observing the fast of Ramadan. The ninth month of the Muslim calendar, Ramadan is the time in which Muslims fast during daylight hours. Afghan citizens have … Read More
Flag Count Dangerously Low, Warns Pentagon
According to a recent study conducted by the Pentagon, the number of American flags currently displayed in the United States is “dangerously” low. The 42 page report indicated that only 37% of all households and 56% of all businesses have … Read More
