Wanted for Anthrax Mailing

Internet retail giant is wanted for questioning regarding the shipping of Anthrax through the mail, the FBI reported. Suspicions first arose last week when New York resident Tim Duggins was heard softly singing the lyrics to the thrash metal classic “A.I.R.” from the 1985 album Spreading the Disease–a textbook symptom of Anthrax exposure. Investigators traced Duggins’ exposure to the workplace, where a colleague in the mailroom had reportedly played Anthrax’s well-received sophomore effort on his mini-boombox in an attempt to liven up the mailroom atmosphere.

“The most frightening aspect of this case is the fact that this particular form of Anthrax can be transmitted through the air,” stated FBI director Robert Mueller. “Mr.Duggins found himself headbanging enthusiastically to both ‘Aftershock’ and ‘Stand and Fall’ despite never even having handled the album personally.”

FBI investigators discovered an invoice and package from in co-worker John Cassel’s garbage, leading them to believe the online retailer may be behind the spread of numerous other Anthrax outbreaks. This includes a recent New Jersey case contracted from the album Among the Living. This album–the group’s third–is considered by many fans to be the most potent form of Anthrax, due to Charlie Benante’s unparalleled drumming abilty, Frank Bello’s stylish work on bass, and Joey Belladonna’s distinctive opera-metal style vocals.