Dear Mr. Rothenberg,
It has come to our understanding that, unlike many males your age, you were raised by a pack of wolves.
Unfortunately, at this late age you’ve never learned the proper etiquette for certain ‘masculine-only’ institutions. It’s possible … Read More
It’s Friday night, and you’ve been stood up by the Usual Penis so he can go to a strip club. Your options are limited: watch the Oxygen Network with your roommate, try and find a frat party not full of … Read More
Our article on Sarvonian Exchange Students incorrectly spelled exchange student Garvoni’s name as “Gabvoni.” Also, there is no such nation as Sarvonia.
Our Tuesday Editorial incorrectly stated “So let’s end this period of tolerance and start a round of pogroms … Read More
Millenia of evolution were overcome on Tuesday, when Sophomore Matt Bausch’s usually pointless male nipples produced a drop of milk. The drop of milk, high in calcium and undoubtedly nourishing to a newborn child, squeezed forth during a basketball game … Read More
Everyone knows that Gluttons are torn apart by ‘Cerberus’s bloody
teeth,’ and the Violent boil in a River of Blood while being stabbed
by centaurs. But what is Hell for the Barely Evil? Like people who think
about putting in … Read More
SARAH: Okay, everybody, Erin is back from Wine and Cheese Palace so we can
start the meeting. Ryan, please read the minutes from the last meeting.
RYAN: Okay, discussion of old business, 5 minutes spent assigning articles.
Break to discuss … Read More
It seems safe to say that none of the toke-addled, black-clad, sore-assed clientele of Pat’s Puff Palace are getting high on Jesus. Store owner Patrick Uter’s problem is that they won’t get high with God– by buying one of his … Read More
Yes indeedy, circle of girls surrounding my desk, it appears that you have all outscored me on our Math 1B midterm. Some of you are laughing about your too-high score with (also-female) friends, while others of you have modestly glanced … Read More
How many of us–when dying–convulse with thoughts such as “I wish my life wasn’t ending with me staring helplessly at my wife’s 78 year old ass”? Consider all the unfortunate souls suffering heart attacks or sudden losses of soul while … Read More
Failing Classes
