Jesus-Themed Bong Remains Unsold

It seems safe to say that none of the toke-addled, black-clad, sore-assed clientele of Pat’s Puff Palace are getting high on Jesus. Store owner Patrick Uter’s problem is that they won’t get high with God– by buying one of his Christianity-themed bongs.

“I saw them in this catalog I had and I figured, hey, Jesus is like the original hippie, right? I thought it’d make a good gag joke, like you can light up with the Lord,” he remarked, gazing wistfully at the smiling visage of the Lord’s son on the decorative bong. Uter blamed the bong’s refusal to sell on a high price and the utter lack of sarcasm in the design.

“I would’ve thought it’d be ironic, like with Jesus winking and giving a thumbs up or something. But instead he’s just smiling at you like, I don’t know, he loves everybody or something. It’s more creepy than funny.”

Customer Jennifer Neton agreed, “His face is painted right where you take the hit. I don’t want to be having a religious experience and start thinking ‘Fuck, what if this is a real religious experience?’ I don’t want to be worrying about that when pot is fucking expensive.”