Male Nipple Has Use

Millenia of evolution were overcome on Tuesday, when Sophomore Matt Bausch’s usually pointless male nipples produced a drop of milk. The drop of milk, high in calcium and undoubtedly nourishing to a newborn child, squeezed forth during a basketball game in the Recreational Sports Facility.

Scientists theorize that Bausch’s male nipples, struggling valiantly against a complete lack of lactation glands and proper ducts, briefly gave meaning to the typically useless, vestigial male nipples.

They also theorized that the miracle of the life-giving milk, defying every scientific law, gave credence to either the existence of God or the ability of humanity to beat overwhelming odds.

Mr. Bausch did not notice the drop of milk, which was absorbed into his t-shirt and evaporated.