Date Emergency Card
Date’s Name ________________
My Name ________________
Blood type: A B D – O AB Cold
Conversation Topics for the Conversation – Impaired
Topic
"Say this in a polite even tone"
Culture
"Did you see 90210 A couple days ago, I read an entry on the rest room stalls that cried out in pain, “Help! I love my boyfriend but whenever we have sex, I always pretend that I’m with his best friend. I feel so … Read More
Heuristic Squelch: Welcome, Sex. I’m so glad you could take the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us.
Sex: Don’t mention it. I always have time to chat with a loyal follower.
HS: Thanks. So tell me, … Read More
Dating was invented accidentally by Ms. Grefrock Harding in the late 16th Century* as she was washing her father’s codpiece. As the jewel- encrusted accessory became more and more polished, Grefrock began to see her reflection. She was shocked. And … Read More
When I was a little kid scampering around the house, exhilarating bolts of urine saturating the crotch of my that-much-darker blue jeans, I’d dream of being the first unified world’s title piss champion. Even though my mom tried to get … Read More
Caught wind that some of you felt the last issue wasn’t “harsh enough.” Kudos to each and every one of you. All too many times my ideas and expressions get quashed because one or two of the editors can’t stomach … Read More
Albacore tuna with dolphins has always been a favorite at the Limbaugh household. Granted it doesn’t pack the punch a steriod-enhanced piece of USDA beef does, but my friends, if you want protein and you want to kill those dolphins, … Read More
Is it just me, or are the classic nursery rhymes we learned as kids a little behind the times? Here are some traditional rhymes that have been updated to reflect the changing times in which we live. Or to put … Read More
“Do you have the time to listen to me whine”
– some local punk
I think it finally hit me that something was amiss when I caught myself actually stalking Chancellor Tien on Tuesday. You see, we had come up … Read More
The University of California at Berkeley is proud to announce a new series of courses specifically designed for Stanford transfers, rear-entry students, football players, Llama-Americans or any students desiring an easier “A-“. The program has attracted some of the finest … Read More
