Date Emergency Card
Date’s Name ________________
My Name ________________
Blood type: A B D – O AB Cold
Conversation Topics for the Conversation – Impaired
Topic
"Say this in a polite even tone"
Culture
"Did you see 90210 A couple days ago, I read an entry on the rest room stalls that cried out in pain, “Help! I love my boyfriend but whenever we have sex, I always pretend that I’m with his best friend. I feel so … Read More
Heuristic Squelch: Welcome, Sex. I’m so glad you could take the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us.
Sex: Don’t mention it. I always have time to chat with a loyal follower.
HS: Thanks. So tell me, … Read More
Dating was invented accidentally by Ms. Grefrock Harding in the late 16th Century* as she was washing her father’s codpiece. As the jewel- encrusted accessory became more and more polished, Grefrock began to see her reflection. She was shocked. And … Read More
When I was a little kid scampering around the house, exhilarating bolts of urine saturating the crotch of my that-much-darker blue jeans, I’d dream of being the first unified world’s title piss champion. Even though my mom tried to get … Read More
Caught wind that some of you felt the last issue wasn’t “harsh enough.” Kudos to each and every one of you. All too many times my ideas and expressions get quashed because one or two of the editors can’t stomach … Read More
Albacore tuna with dolphins has always been a favorite at the Limbaugh household. Granted it doesn’t pack the punch a steriod-enhanced piece of USDA beef does, but my friends, if you want protein and you want to kill those dolphins, … Read More
By now, you’ve probably noticed that every department on campus, with the possible exception of your own, seems to have a brand, spanking new or newly-refurbished building in which to hang its hat. Besides making the campus a more pleasant … Read More
One warm sunny day, I found myself walking through Sproul Plaza, on my way to Moffit, a cold D.C. waffle lump swimming in grease and then lounging comfortably in the pit of my stomach. I strolled past Jake, a Harvard … Read More
A MALE perspective on everyday problems. Biff is not a licensed psychologist, but he is a charter member of Kappa Epsilon Gamma fraternity.
Dear Biff,
The other day I walked in on my son masturbating in his bedroom. I don’t … Read More
