- Money
- Birth control
- The Date Emergency Card (R)
- A good book
- Breath mints
- Penicillin
- A date
Well, that’s all kids. You’re on your own from here. We wish you the best of luck in all of your love endeavours. Always … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Date Emergency Card
Date Emergency Card
Date’s Name ________________
My Name ________________
Blood type: A B D – O AB Cold
Conversation Topics for the Conversation – Impaired
Topic
"Say this in a polite even tone"
Culture
"Did you see 90210 The Writing on the Stall
A couple days ago, I read an entry on the rest room stalls that cried out in pain, “Help! I love my boyfriend but whenever we have sex, I always pretend that I’m with his best friend. I feel so … Read More
SEX: The Heuristic Squelch Interview
Heuristic Squelch: Welcome, Sex. I’m so glad you could take the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us.
Sex: Don’t mention it. I always have time to chat with a loyal follower.
HS: Thanks. So tell me, … Read More
Important Dates in History
Dating was invented accidentally by Ms. Grefrock Harding in the late 16th Century* as she was washing her father’s codpiece. As the jewel- encrusted accessory became more and more polished, Grefrock began to see her reflection. She was shocked. And … Read More
Wet Shins & Other Sins
Confessions of a Piss Champ
When I was a little kid scampering around the house, exhilarating bolts of urine saturating the crotch of my that-much-darker blue jeans, I’d dream of being the first unified world’s title piss champion. Even though my mom tried to get … Read More
Herb Came column
Caught wind that some of you felt the last issue wasn’t “harsh enough.” Kudos to each and every one of you. All too many times my ideas and expressions get quashed because one or two of the editors can’t stomach … Read More
English Majors: An Abomination Unto the Lord
Realize right now that your choices are limited when it comes to declaring a major. There are the geeky-freaky-neolithic-y sciences, math, etc. Then there are the social sciences, but I still don’t know exactly what a social science entails, and … Read More
Gorillas In Our Midst
It was with great anticipation that I began my latest in-field study of the tribe of the KEG House. The last segment of my thesis on white decadent sub-cultures was to be brief, a mere day, but it enjoyed optimal … Read More
Short Conversations
“Do you masturbate?”
“Just socially.”
“We at CalPIRG are distributing these paper flyers to fight deforestation.”
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
“Fuck off Forrest.”
“Bless you my son.”
“Ooh! It’s sticky.”
“How do you compliment a North Carolinan?”
“I like … Read More
