I hate Saturday nights. They exist only as a reminder that life is not fair. Take last Saturday night for example. The day started out all right — I heard that there was going to be a party. A party!! … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Building the Promise Photo Essay
maybe will have photos later
By now, you’ve probably noticed that every department on campus, with the possible exception of your own, seems to have a brand, spanking new or newly-refurbished building in which to hang its hat. Besides making the campus a more pleasant … Read More
Based on a collection of true stories…
One warm sunny day, I found myself walking through Sproul Plaza, on my way to Moffit, a cold D.C. waffle lump swimming in grease and then lounging comfortably in the pit of my stomach. I strolled past Jake, a Harvard … Read More
Ask Biff
A MALE perspective on everyday problems. Biff is not a licensed psychologist, but he is a charter member of Kappa Epsilon Gamma fraternity.
Dear Biff,
The other day I walked in on my son masturbating in his bedroom. I don’t … Read More
Nursery Rhymes for the ’90s
Is it just me, or are the classic nursery rhymes we learned as kids a little behind the times? Here are some traditional rhymes that have been updated to reflect the changing times in which we live. Or to put … Read More
It Only Hurts the First Time
“Do you have the time to listen to me whine”
– some local punk
I think it finally hit me that something was amiss when I caught myself actually stalking Chancellor Tien on Tuesday. You see, we had come up … Read More
Lo-CAL Course Announcements
The University of California at Berkeley is proud to announce a new series of courses specifically designed for Stanford transfers, rear-entry students, football players, Llama-Americans or any students desiring an easier “A-“. The program has attracted some of the finest … Read More
A User’s Guide to Zen
Constructive nihilism
destroying things in a good cause
karma
what goes around, comes around
atheism
eternal damnation
original sin
your parents screwed around, so you’re screwed up
predestination
damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so go get drunk … Read More
Voice of the Squelch Past:
The Founding Father Speaks
Yes, I know all about the Squelch’s history, the people who made it the journalistic monument it is today, all that crap. I used to be Editor-in-Chief. I was somebody then. I thought I would be somebody forever. But now … Read More
Dysfunctional Bay Area Driving Really Pisses Me Off
I was driving up Interstate 280 last week with a couple of friends, coming back from a somewhat refreshing camping trip. It was one of those brisk, after-the-rain sort of days when the breeze is cool and crisp and the … Read More
