Important Dates in History

Dating was invented accidentally by Ms. Grefrock Harding in the late 16th Century* as she was washing her father’s codpiece. As the jewel- encrusted accessory became more and more polished, Grefrock began to see her reflection. She was shocked. And stunned. And struck with an idea. Since then dating has evolved into an almost omnipresent entity. Every culture across the globe (except for Chinese) has some sort of dating ritual. In Central Africa, prospective couples must endure the Dance of the Seven Piercings before their first outing. Lovers in the Pacific Islands write long essays about why they want to go out with each other and submit them to the Squelch for grading and proper pre-date authorization. In Berkeley, fanciers grovel and whine for the chance to be humiliated in public by the one they love. These are only a few of the fascinating yet nauseating dating rituals seen around the world.

*Carbon dating indicates the exact year was 1734.