The Epistle of St. Mark the Second

1:13 pm — The Meaning of the Apocalypse

The Lord God saith unto me, “Mark, that was a hell of an apocalypse, eh?”

And I replieth unto him, “You’re telling me. What was that all about?” And the Lord threw down before me a stick of incense and poured a torrential rain around that incense but it never went out. The Lord Christ Jesus then asked of me if I kneweth the meaning in his action. After many days of nauseating incense smoke and cold rain, I answer’d the Lord, “It’s the burning bush all over again, but with a contemporary twist.”

And the Lord became angry with this answer and sent ten thousand (I exaggerateth not) gnats to nest in my mons pubis. Then the torrential downpour continueth and began to eat at the flesh on my genitalia; and the Lord again asketh of me, “Knoweth you the meaning of this downpour? Does the acid rain give unto you a hint?”

I responded unto Yahweh, “Well, if we are operating within a deconstructionist framework, an assumption which is itself highly ironic, if not impossible, the question you ask is open to any number of interpretations, and I think Derrida, when asked such a question, might….” And the Lord becameth frustrated with me, saying “You pretentious, bombastic, fuck, just answer the question before I visit another set of plagues on you and yourn.” So I respondeth thus unto the Lord, “Lemme see, we have incense smoke,possibly to cover the divine stink of some other kind of smoke, we have rain with acid in it, to me, Big Guy, that you’ve been, shall we say, looking behind the doors of perception lately.” And the Lord He saith unto me,

“Yeah, it was some good shit, too.” And it was so.