Top Ten Reasons to Invade Haiti

  1. Manifest Destiny.
  2. Find magic voodoo potion for Hillary’s hair.
  3. Clinton itching for Caribbean harem.
  4. To release pent-up frustration from health-care fiasco.
  5. To stave off impending invasion of U.S.
  6. We’re bigger than they are.
  7. Re-assert world dominance through crushing defeat of entire crack 23-member Haitian military.
  8. To insure Republican victory in ’96.
  9. It’s closer than Bosnia.
  10. Need island retreat to keep Gore daughters tan ‘n’ succulent.