Tag Archives: feature

Application for THE REAL WORLD

in Butte, Montana

Please complete all requested information. Use ink and print. (In American, por favor).

General Information

Name:____________________________
Age: ____ Sex:_____

SS#: _-____ Measurements: -__
Zodiac Sign: ________

Questionnaire Answer on separate sheet; no cocktail napkins, please.

  1. What type
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Rim Antics

Expose of the Men’s Basketball Team

During the recent spate of games known as this year’s basketball season, it has become painfully apparent that our men’s team couldn’t shoot freethrows to save their Telebear dates much less to win a damn game, conference or non. Now, … Read More

Letters to the Editors

Dear Editors,

You guys should hand out by Strawberry Creek more often. It’d do you some good.

Peacefully,

H.D. Thoreau

Dear Editors,

Sorry.

–Jason Kidd

P.S. Oh, by the way, I’m outta here.

Dear Editors,
Heaven’s great! All the fried … Read More

Ask Buffy

Buffy is not a licensed therapist, but she is a psychology major and a member of UC Berkeley’s Chi Omega Sorority. She also likes teddy bears.

Dear Buffy,
During my time in college I have been sexually active with a … Read More

Biased, Fragmented Political Coverage

Here at the Squelch we understand that we have a responsibility to provide the Berkeley community with biased, fragmented political coverage. To demonstrate our commitment to that goal, we have attained copies of the national budgets proposed by various political … Read More

Love My Way

or How to Seduce Someone without Really Trying

Being the seducer rather than the seducee is a hard transition to make. And if you’re at the food-wine-soft-candlelight-Barry-White-album- lock-your-roommate-out stage, then you basically need no help. Like the poisonous black mamba snake, you’ve learned how to lure your unsuspecting … Read More

The Epistle of St. Mark the Second

1:13 pm — The Meaning of the Apocalypse

The Lord God saith unto me, “Mark, that was a hell of an apocalypse, eh?”

And I replieth unto him, “You’re telling me. What was that all about?” And the Lord threw down before me a stick of incense and … Read More

Are You White Trash?

Please answer the appropriate questions below with yes, no, or your favorite singer from the Grand Ole Opry.

Those who qualify as white trash will receive a lifetime subscription to The Star and the coffee table book “The Price is … Read More