Please answer the appropriate questions below with yes, no, or your favorite singer from the Grand Ole Opry.
Those who qualify as white trash will receive a lifetime subscription to The Star and the coffee table book “The Price is Right — The Early Years,” plus the right to live in any state south of the Mason-Dixon line without being harassed by the local authorities or guest coordinators from The Ricki Lake Show.
- Do you have an Elvis Jell-O mold?
- Is there anyone in your family you’re related to in less than three ways? If yes, explain.
- What color is your tooth?
- Do you live in Fremont?
- What year is your John Deere?
- How long has grandpa been in the basement?
Which of the following substances can you make liquor out of?
- pork rinds
- How many of your relatives have suffered from rickets?
- Do you believe that Wonderbread(tm) is enriched? With what?
- Do you have any Atlanta Falcons t-shirts?
- Does your house take regular or unleaded?
- Do you own a Confederate flag?
- How long is your eldest son’s ducktail?
- Do you have an achy-breaky heart?
- Did you purchase the TIME-LIFE Hee-Haw Commemorative Chess Set?
- How old must you be to join the NRA?
- Does your Mac have a floating point co-processor?
Which is the best substance to fry a peanut butter sandwich in?
- Is your pool deflatable?
- Do you identify more with Bo or Luke?
Which is more appropriate decor for a burnt umber mobile home with aluminum siding?
- pink flamingos
- lawn jockeys holding lanterns
- Two six-packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon are on sale at Stater Bros. Markets for $2.29, while a six-pack of Schlitz is on sale at the local Vietnamese liquor store for $1.10. Which is the better bargain, and why don’t those people learn to speak English?
When you cook possum, which is the proper garnish?
- collard greens
- What’s the best way to take tough stains out of white robes?
- Which of these states is the promised land?
- West Virginia
- South Carolina
- New York
Scoring: If you got past Question 3 on this quiz, you are white trash. Congratulations.