Studying abroad is an experience that sends many eager young students out with a pat on the back into this crazy mixed up world of ours. After a friendly goodbye from Jan at the EAP office and a little teensy … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Luke Filose’s Last Column
I’m about to graduate, I look back at these last four years of college and realize what a fucking loser I’ve been, and how much of a bigger fucking loser I’m going to be in the future. I mean, I’m … Read More
My Night at Alpha Phi
As I stood in the dateroom waiting for my blind date to show up, I began to wonder if everything would go well. It was my first invitational ever, and I was nervous. When she finally walked in the door … Read More
It Angry My
In an incredibly misguided effort to increase our cultural horizons, the Heuristic Squelch has signed up with the International Humor Exchange Program. The following is an article written by a Korean humorist describing his visit to the Berkeley campus. Originally … Read More
Camel’s Visit to Sproul
Author’s Note: Camel is not a person. Camel is a camel. Camel is not a cigarette company. Camel is a camel. If Camel were not a camel, he would not be called Camel. Camel Camel Camel Camel.
Camel came to … Read More
Deconstructing Graduation
You might not know it, but graduation is the most enduring secular ritual in the history of the world. Since sooner or later we’re all going to come face to face with the traditions that have developed to mark the … Read More
Stand-up Comedy Eclogue
Male Stand-up: The other night, I was at my girlfriend’s place, and she was putting on make-up for hours – it took her forever to get ready.
Female Stand-up: Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend is drinking beer and … Read More
Ask Optimus
Q: I’ve started a small Autobot militant group, but I’m having trouble getting them to attack. What should I say to motivate them?
–Heather Bergman
A: Autobots, transform!…And roll out!
Q: My family and I are proud Autobots, but my … Read More
New and Improved Cal Drinking Games
Although UC Berkeley is known worldwide as a leader in excellence in education, there is one area in which Cal students are distressingly mediocre. Students get drunk in the same usual way that students get drunk at any major university. … Read More
Letters to the Editors
A Squelch Misconception
Dear Editor,
The Heuristic Squelch is a hateful, misogynist, and generally extremist publication. I hate you. Please except this firebomb on behalf of Cal Students Against Hate, Misogyny, and Extremism.
Dear CSAHME,
This is absolute bullshit of the worst sort. … Read More
