Four Squelch editors and one webmaster set out to test their mental stamina over a 24-hour period under severe unlivable conditions. Those conditions were provided by a Super Kmart, a modern wonder of capitalist endeavor, a superstore … Read More
Flummoxed laundromat patron Wilson Davis has observed that when a designer label boasts its socks as being “High-Quality,” what they really mean is “These Socks Will Take For Fucking Ever To Dry.”
“Look at these,” extolled Davis as… Read More
A prospective customer thoroughly disturbed telemarketer Lester Martin of Discover Credit Cards with his unsettling acronyms. Lester, who cordially greeted the customer, made friendly banter and eventually convinced the man to apply for a Platinum Discover card with complimentary… Read More
A recent study by the McGill company has found yet more damning evidence linking video game violence with the real-life behavior of the people who play them. At the heart of this study, however, was not the often-analyzed… Read More
Cal freshman Jamie Swintek recently returned home to discover her childhood bedroom was metamorphosed into the family entertainment room. Swintek’s mom, Mrs. Swintek, was reported as saying, “When Jamie left for college, it was really hard on the whole … Read More
Recently I’ve noticed a tendency for the male species to woo the opposite sex with witty personal anecdotes, clean-pressed clothing, and fine bodily fragrances. In all honesty, as a woman, I must clarify the misinterpreted … Read More
Spurred by the popularity of the Daily Californian’s hand-sketched columnist portraits, the UC Police Department has hired Hirem Wollingsworth, the artist responsible for the drawings, to sketch suspects based on descriptions.
Although Wollingsworth eagerly accepted… Read More
Example 1: One-Dimensional space
One dimensional space extends in only two directions. Concepts commonplace in two or even three dimensional space are rendered impossible by the one-dimensional universe, which does not possess the properties necessary… Read More
Squelch management has agreed to open this space for students to respond to a paid advertisement published in our March edition. As with all non-editorial content, the Squelch Senior Editorial Board does not condone or condemn… Read More
People harbor a number of illusions in their sad little lives. “My parents probably know best.” “It’s fine that oil companies regulate their own output of environmental toxins. The EPA wouldn’t let them if it were bad for us.” “… Read More
