A spate of high-profile news stories related to pants has many wondering if the phenomenon is not indicative of a larger trend. From difficulties coordinating undergarments with fashionable pants to worldwide pants conspiracies to eerie supernatural incidents, pants have dominated … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Words from the Top
It’s All Downhill From Here
No matter how much effusive praise gets heaped upon the staff of the Squelch, there remains an contingent of pessimistic naysayers whose critique of our latest issue inevitably consists of a disparaging shrug and the phrase “It’s not as funny … Read More
International Investigation Unearths Denim Underground
Levi Strauss & Co., in conjunction with other denim manufacturers, has concocted a diabolical secret network with ultimate long-term goals set on world domination, investigators found Tuesday. The plot, the likes of which the world has never before seen, calls … Read More
Top Ten Tang Center Pamphlets
- Love Shouldn’t Suck
- Making Sex Dangerouser
- Motherfuck Your Regular Insurance: $79.99 for a month of Claritin
- Jesus Christ, Not Chlamydia Again
- What to Do With Pamphlets When You Come in With a Broken Arm
- So You Lost Another Fucking Gold
Top Ten Pirate Pickup Lines
- “Is there an ‘X’ on the seat of your pants? Because there’s wond’rous booty buried underneath!”
- “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre you free on Saturday?”
- “Yo, ho! Bottle of rum?”
- “Do you have the latest copy of Windows XP with cracked product activation?” (software
Top Ten Pornographic Summer Movies (About Cereal)
- Road to Nutrition (director’s cut)
- Monsoon Gangbang Chex
- Halloween Resur-erection Crunch
- The Cum of All Nutritional Fears
- My Big Fat-Free Greek Orgy
- Special K-19: The Widowfucker
- Divine Secretions of the Mueslix Sisterhood
- The Scorpion Cheeri-O-Ring
- Austin Plow-her in Goldmember Grahams
Top Five Movies Featuring Internet Constructions
- www.geocities.com/ SunsetStrip/ Bedroom/9029/
- swimfan69IM mefordirtypre teenlolitasex rapebondage fisting@aol.com
- feardotorg.net
- swimfan85@aol.com
- feardotcom.com
Top Ten Forgotten Pop Songs About Child Abduction
- I’m So Angry, I Take Your Baby
- Teacher’s Hot For Me
- Help!
- Leaving On a Jet Plane (Against My Will)
- Lucy in the Sky with a Gag and Tied Wrists
- Burning Down The House to Cover My Tracks
- I Want
Top Ten Things to Be Buried In
- Na Gadda Da Vida
- Cognito
- Woolly mammoth’s belly
- Spite of your dying wishes.
- Styyyyle
- Plaid
- Bacon
- The body of a slightly larger, equally dead man
- Multiple suitcases
- A suitcase
Top Five Orientation Sessions
- When Helping Hurts: Learning to Love Your Cactus Plants
- Sexual Orientation Orientation
- This is a Pain Stick: Getting Along With Orderlies at Your Mental Institution
- So You’ve Joined the Space Program Ice Cream Social
- The Uterus, Your New Home