- One leg at a time
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Four Possible Titles for William Hung’s Second Album
- Tangerines and Acid Trips, My Battle with Robots
- Super Gook 2005
- Still Better than Creed
- The Yellow Album
Top Ten Things Overheard on the Set of a Bad Porno Movie
The Three Investigators and the Adventure of the Dead Pope
Jupiter, Pete, and Bob were walking down a busy city street.
“It sure is great to be here visiting scenic Rome,” said Pete breezily, as the three entered the heart of the Vatican. “And it’s great that your grand-uncle got … Read More
T.S.M.I.T.W.
It’s hard being the Strongest Man in the World. Most people would brush this assertion off, saying something like “No, it’s not.” What they don’t realize is, I plan to take their wallet and piledrive them into a steam grate … Read More
Words from the Top
Being Smart Is Easy
Stupid people always complain about how hard it is to discover something or invent something or remember what time Gilmore Girls is on. And smart people, I’m told, watch PBS and listen to NPR. If they were so smart, they’d … Read More
Student Literally Has Mind Blown
In a stunning turn of events, Cal political science student David Lee literally had his mind blown on Friday by a live Radiohead performance that his roommate downloaded from Kazaa.
When asked whether he actually meant that his mind had … Read More
President Killed by Useless Jigaboos
In what is clearly the most important and shocking news event of the modern age, reporter Aaron Brownstein used an eye-catching, inflammatory headline to draw readers to this article, in which he tells you that he lost his keys last … Read More
Top Ten Things to Do to Piss Off an Anti-Semite
- Stand on him and urinate
- Get him a job in Hollywood
- Become international celebrity, get cancer, make baldness trendy
- Read something
- Be a pro-Semite, whatever that is
- Make yarmulkes out of Nazi flags
- Bank
- Vote for someone who isn’t Buchanan
Michael Moore Decides to Run
In a move that will certainly shake things up a bit in the upcoming presidential election, documentary filmmaker and left-wing activist Michael Moore has finally decided to go for a much-needed jog.
The incident comes as a surprise to many … Read More
