- “The cockroach was Paul”
- “Desmond says to Molly, girl, I’m afraid of death”
- “I’m sooo hungry, I haven’t eaten a bite”
- “And in the end, you die”
- “Happiness is a warm hole in the ground”
- “No one loves you, yeah,
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Pornographic UC Berkeley Building Names
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Sproul Hall (because they fuck you in the ass)
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Mammorial Stadium - The Seize Her Shove It Center
- Aass School of Business
- Zellercock
- Muffit
- Poon Tang Center
- VLSBDSM
- Twatimer
- Le Cunt
Top Ten Pornographic Dairy Products
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Head cheese
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Non-Dairy creamer
- I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Pornographic Dairy Product
- Land O’ Ass
- Whip n’ cream
- Jizz Whiz
- Bestiality cheese
- Mount-her-rey Jack
- Country Crotch
- Frottage cheese
Top Ten Signs of the Apocalypse
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Yoshua fights Jesus; wins in twelve rounds by unanimous decision.
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Hebrew text of evil - Communal shower in Soda
- Three headed griffon emerges from depths of Dwinelle to wreak God’s holy vengeance on Berkeley
- Re-release of Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse
Top Ten Pornos Starring Jesus Christ
- Semen on the Mount
- Jesus Nympho Cum Sluts XII
- Second Cumming
- Tie Me Up, Nail Me Down
- Divine Staff
- Carpenter of Love
- Who’s Your Savior?
- Who Would Jesus Do?
- Christ Bangs Bethlehem
- Deep Soul
Top Ten Hackneyed Social Science GSI Phrases
- Hugest erection this side of Donner Pass, nearly broke my jaw it did.
- It’s not the grade that matters, it’s how much you improve.
- Yes, you could argue that, but, you’d be wrong!
- Mmmm, aren’t we a little deterministic today?
Stylish Slogan Sasses Out College Campus
UC Berkeley students were totally sassed out by Chemical Engineering major Jenny Parker last Tuesday, when she sported a t-shirt bearing the slogan “If you don’t want attitude, stop talking to me.”
Students reported that Parker, formerly known as the … Read More
Buster, Get in the Tub
The year 2000 is approaching. And I’ve realized a few things: 1) I need to start looking for a party now if I don’t want to end up at home. 2) I most likely won’t find a party and I’ll … Read More
I’m Really Cool in Private
Attractive girl #l: What the hell is Fred all about? He’s such a enigmatic and fascinating character.
Attractive girl #2: I just wish I could talk to him more, after I’m done talking to him and he’s not there anymore.… Read More
Top Ten Totalitarian Restaurants
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T.G.I.F. (Thank God It's Fascist)
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Worker Unit Food Distribution 
Vestibule
- Benito Burger
- Che Panisse
- Karl’s Jr.
- Burger Absolute Monarch
- Totalitarian Akbar’s Totalitarian Bar and Grill
- Schlotsky’s East Bloc Russian Restaurant
- Steve’s North Korean BBQ
- Fascist Slice
