People harbor a number of illusions in their sad little lives. “My parents probably know best.” “It’s fine that oil companies regulate their own output of environmental toxins. The EPA wouldn’t let them if it were bad for us.” “Overpopulation … Read More
Tag Archives: Tyler Roscoe
Magazine Dries Up
A somber and humorless M. C. Holohan, editor-in-chief of The Heuristic Squelch, announced that UC Berkeley’s premier humor magazine had tapped out its resources of funny. “We haven’t had a funny submission in weeks,” the monotonic Holohan told reporters. “Our … Read More
Trading Places
What started out as a domestic dispute between intimates dragged particle physicists and the gay community into a bitter feud when the bottom quark announced that it wanted to become a top.
“I’m just sick of it,” the bottom quark … Read More
Mock the Vote
Well, another year of avoiding Sproul Plaza and practicing the “don’t fuck with me I’ve got shit to do” stare of death has ended, and since psychologists have proven that reviewing while material is fresh in your mind is the … Read More
Luke Filose’s Last Column
I’m about to graduate, I look back at these last four years of college and realize what a fucking loser I’ve been, and how much of a bigger fucking loser I’m going to be in the future. I mean, I’m … Read More
Looking Through the Porthole
I’m tired of living a lie. I simply can’t take it anymore. I have labored under the weight of this burden for too long, and I feel that it is crushing me. I simply have to free my soul from … Read More
Eyes on the Fries
Protest and Berkeley are two of those things that intrinsically go together, like peanut butter and jelly, or Ernest Hemingway and. Sentence fragments. Great gains have been won for the causes of social justice in the trenches of civil disobedience … Read More
EECS Department Debates New Requirements
Tempers flared at a recent organizational meeting of the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Department when the Horde of Angry Roommates of Engineering Majors (HAREM) lobbied the EECS curriculum board to make the Turing Test a requirement for graduation.
The … Read More
Why We Should Just All Be Gay
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
– Genesis 2:22-23
Times have … Read More
