- Laser Penis
- Want to time it so you cum right when Emeril says Bam!
- TrimSpa commercial only 30 seconds long
- You’re fourteen years old and x, where x is anything
- Because you sure as hell don’t want to eat that
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- Fuck Ayoob
- Mr. Potato Head, in microwave
- Fuck Ayoob
- Fuck Ayoob
- Fuck Ayoob
- Fuck Ayoob
- Fuck Ayoob
- Author of all those scanner movies and it’s irony day
- Forgot to chew gum while plane was taking off
- Neck timer nearing zero
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- Throwing a really hard penny off the top of a model of the Empire State Building
- Lite-brite saber
- Syphil-them
- Prison consensual sex
- Single Sclerosis
- NRA: National Ruffle Association
- The Heck’s Angels
- Black guy in cage
- Bungie walking
- Drinking a gallon
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- You married a slutty horse
- Hideous centaur children
- Douches with molasses, apples and salt
- Find the words “Mrs. Ed” written lovingly all over her day-planner
- Everytime you answer the phone, hear 4 minutes of a horse trying to hang up
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- Top Ten Signs Your Lasik Surgery has Gone Horribly Wrong
- Top Ten Ways to the Annoy Host at the Adult Video Awards
- Top Ten Best or Worst Sexually Transmitted Diseases
- Top Ten Words to Follow the Phrase “Go-Go Gadget”
- Top
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- Mardi Gras
- Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
- Be all you can be
- Ask your parole officer for advice
- Based itinerary on Oscar-nominated films; only saw Hotel Rwanda
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- Please, please, like me again
- It’s your fault you got raped, and how to deal with it
- A guide to surprise sex
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- Stools Rush In
- Poop fiction
- Jackie Brown
- Cool Runnings
- The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
- Forrest Dump
- Duck Poop
- Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
- Shit Happened One Night
- Shitizen Kane
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- A male wookie
- Robin Williams
- Three ewoks standing on each other’s shoulders
- Shag carpeting
- A throw rug
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- Just tell the little fucker to Google it
- Additional instruction on removing your spiky shoulder pads and unitard
- Exactly as you would do it today, BUT YOU’RE IN THE MATRIX
- What, you’re telling me you don’t know how to use
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