- Vaseline’s Day
- Love – is – temporary – but – STDs – are – forever Day
- Relent – to – his – request – for – anal – sex Day
- There’s – good – reasons – why – you’re –
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- Guilt
- Your Mama
- Mother Teresa
- An audience
- Cheese Grater
- Zona Rosa SuperPork burrito
- Greasy Chancellor
- Greasy Bike Chain
- Attitude
- Public Statue
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- Regis Philbin
- Goatee-ectomy
- Mono-Brow reconstruction
- The Jackson Family
- Lee Press-On Goiter
- Love Handle implant
- Female circumcision
- Uvula bifuraction
- Robert Implant
- Ass hair implants
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- Ctrl L, S, and D (gets you high)
- Command E (ejaculates floppy)
- Command P (orders you pizza)
- Command O (brings you Arnold Schwarzenegger)
- Alt Y (Psychoanalyzes you)
- Control U (gets you a domineering spouse)
- Shift command A- (Finish your paper
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- Der Weinerschnitzell
- Pending appeal
- Performed abortions
- Democrat
- Prozac ™
- Infected
- Cunnilingus
- Goat fetish
- Conviction
- Stupid-jerk-boss
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- Shaft Goes to the Holyland
- That Bitch Better Have My Money
- Proud Parent of a Gay Son
- The books of Matthew, Mark, Olivia Newton John
- Mighty Morphin Power Apostles
- Jesus’s years as a Grateful Dead roadie by St. Albert Goldman
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- Glovebox full of nougat.
- Built-in food dehydrator.
- New improved louder, yet more annoying alarm.
- Dual Overhead Gams.
- Airbags actually fill with popcorn.
- Trunk fits two comfortably
- Bumpers 10% bumpier
- Braille Speedometer for blind drivers
- Third pedal for that awkward time
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- Stanford team was under the false impression that they could drop the game after the final quarter
- Cal team powered by Duracell(tm) batteries, and we all know nothing outlasts the copper top
- Somebody spiked their Gatorade(tm).
- Bark beetles disabled their
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- “My doctor told me anal sex was the best thing to make it heal fast.”
- “Think of it as Pez(tm) dispenser with a really big head.”
- “Keep looking, it’s got to be in there somewhere.”
- “Get a load of this.”
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- EuroBerkeley
- Castle Greyskull
- UCB International Airport
- Tunnel connecting Etcheverry and Dwinelle, complete with Disneyland-
esque Peoplemover(tm)
- Soda Hall
- Chancellor Tien’s Underground Fortress
- The Peach Pit
- Stairway to Heaven
- Thunderdome
- Virtual Dwinelle
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