Top Ten New Car Features

  1. Glovebox full of nougat.
  2. Built-in food dehydrator.
  3. New improved louder, yet more annoying alarm.
  4. Dual Overhead Gams.
  5. Airbags actually fill with popcorn.
  6. Trunk fits two comfortably
  7. Bumpers 10% bumpier
  8. Braille Speedometer for blind drivers
  9. Third pedal for that awkward time between braking and accelerating
  10. Controls designed for one hand usage, leaving other hand free for
    random groping.