Crying like a woman
Your scary gay lisp
Attempting to break up riot with rousing game of Magic: The Gathering
Introducing yourself as “Fish”
Pre-emptive cocksucking
Gently turning down their advancements
Shaving your legs
Making cell key into knife
Becoming … Read More
Whatever the mother of the Wayans kids was doing
Semen-covered dildo
Going to a party at Pi Kappa Phi
Eye of newt
Getting pregnant
Visiting my room
Screen-door condoms
Rhythm method, but you’re white and have no rhythm
Twist Ties … Read More
Borg Cube
Living off the residuals Mark Hamill
Hitler-moustache Obi-Wan
Openly gay C3P0
George Lucas with bags of money
Billy Dee Williams with Malt Liquor Action
The Force
Identical twins of every character
A wookie taking a crap
Han Job … Read More
Whoa
Oh my God man
… Read More
Grover Cleveland
Beastly Muff
Pubic Zirconium
Spelling Bea
Busty Brian
Hot Karla
Synnamin Rollz
World’s Best Grandma
Steele Reserrv
Krabb Kakes
Karrot Pealer
… Read More
Slinky
Broken stencil, letters A-J
Hairbrush whittled out of a potato
Stretch of shag carpeting that once had 7-Up poured on it but has now dried
Complete set of 32 ginsu knives
Baseball cap
Half-pound of spaghetti
Another dude’s even … Read More
Dick Gum: Gum for Your Dick
Dickorette
The toothless gums of your sexy grandmother (fellating me)
Bazooka Johnspn
Juicy Fruitbasket
Dicklets
Doublewidth
XXXtra
Big Red
Humple Yum
… Read More
Break her apart and put your person-sized dick on trial for murder
Require attendants to carry your oxen-sized member on a tarp
Suck the rest of the blood from your body with your blistering red penis
Embarass yourself in public … Read More
Two words: Platinum codpiece
Learn a couple Elliot Smith songs on acoustic guitar; instantly become ball-deep in poontang
E-vite for one
Become an RA
Ask your ex for all her friends’ phone numbers
Hang out outside girl’s bathroom. Try very … Read More
Fudge
The Presidency of the United States during a time of peril when the country actually needs a president committed to protecting the freedom we cherish instead of pushing aregressive tax structure unheard of since when child labor was considered … Read More
