He used to hunt the hunted. Now he is hunted by those he used to hunt.
Sometimes decapitation is just the beginning.
He was just an ordinary Joe who spent 20 years in the Green Berets…
Vin Diesel
Just when … Read More
Crying like a woman
Your scary gay lisp
Attempting to break up riot with rousing game of Magic: The Gathering
Introducing yourself as “Fish”
Pre-emptive cocksucking
Gently turning down their advancements
Shaving your legs
Making cell key into knife
Becoming … Read More
Whatever the mother of the Wayans kids was doing
Semen-covered dildo
Going to a party at Pi Kappa Phi
Eye of newt
Getting pregnant
Visiting my room
Screen-door condoms
Rhythm method, but you’re white and have no rhythm
Twist Ties … Read More
Borg Cube
Living off the residuals Mark Hamill
Hitler-moustache Obi-Wan
Openly gay C3P0
George Lucas with bags of money
Billy Dee Williams with Malt Liquor Action
The Force
Identical twins of every character
A wookie taking a crap
Han Job … Read More
Two words: Platinum codpiece
Learn a couple Elliot Smith songs on acoustic guitar; instantly become ball-deep in poontang
E-vite for one
Become an RA
Ask your ex for all her friends’ phone numbers
Hang out outside girl’s bathroom. Try very … Read More
You already kicked them in the nads
Because you’re Jean Claude Van Damme and that’s what you do. You kick. The shins are incidental.
The shins belong to Hitler
You haven’t kicked anyone in the shins yet today
Their shins … Read More
Fudge
The Presidency of the United States during a time of peril when the country actually needs a president committed to protecting the freedom we cherish instead of pushing aregressive tax structure unheard of since when child labor was considered … Read More
He carries pills in his pocket, but when you ask him what they are for, he says something that sounds like “raping you,” then stammers a lot and finally ends up saying something feeble and unconvincing that rhymes with “raping … Read More
Michael J. Fox
Two cults of children, locked in eternal struggle, at the same coffee stand you were at two minutes ago
Two cults of children who murder people, locked in eternal struggle
A cult of children that murder people … Read More
All the starving people
Miraculous 2nd coat of wax on my Thunderbird
… Read More
