- You’re just coming to grips with your hobosexuality
- You’re protesting clean, safe sex with attractive people
- You’re a member of CalPIRG
- He said he was a doctor and he swore he’d call you sometime
- You’re from Stanford, and it’s better
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- Madison, the most retarded name of all
- Skee-Ball
- Mrs. Carlson, or whatever the name of their social worker is
- Disneyland
- Graham Crackers
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- Least time with mother’s love
- Most uplifting Pantera album
- Deadest baby
- Most nostrils
- Gayest scarf
- Wife won’t shut up
- Fattest fat fatty
- Least amount of skin
- Biggest Jew
- Most needs his nappy time
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- Wears a lot of turtlenecks
- Enjoys “musical theatre,” insofar as “musical theatre” is “being homosexually dominated”
- Insists on scented candles when dripping hot wax onto his groin
- Sports leather platform boots when attending ’70s-themed parties, when not attending ’70s-themed parties
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- Have more than a passingresemblance to Ed Asner
- Your measurements are 36-24-36-2
- Keep accidentally wearing yourthongs backwards
- Your finger isn’t long enough toactivate gag reflex
- Clothes you model keep burstinginto flames
- More penises then generally usual
- Won’t do partial nudity;
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