- Wears a lot of turtlenecks
- Enjoys “musical theatre,” insofar as “musical theatre” is “being homosexually dominated”
- Insists on scented candles when dripping hot wax onto his groin
- Sports leather platform boots when attending ’70s-themed parties, when not attending ’70s-themed parties
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- Sports an “Old Delta Bluesman” T-shirt, but not ironically
- Ken Burns always peering through the windows
- Lots of red suspenders
- His room always smells like whiskey and tears
- Don’t done got no replacement toilet roll
- Every week, Eric Clapton stops
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- Elect him again, for the first time
- Now more than ever, horses in midstream like Ike
- Continue remembering September 11th
- And this time, we won’t need Jesus!
- Eight amendments down, 19 to go
- Play it again, Scalia
- This may be
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- You’re just coming to grips with your hobosexuality
- You’re protesting clean, safe sex with attractive people
- You’re a member of CalPIRG
- He said he was a doctor and he swore he’d call you sometime
- You’re from Stanford, and it’s better
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- Madison, the most retarded name of all
- Skee-Ball
- Mrs. Carlson, or whatever the name of their social worker is
- Disneyland
- Graham Crackers
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- Baby GUTS
- Hey Dude, Yeah You, Fucker
- You’re Doing That on Television
- What Would You Do, NAKED?!
- Super Duper Triple Quarduple Dare
- The Fairly Obvious World of
Alex Mack
- Pepe and Pepe
- Wild and Crazy but Medicated Kids
- Clarissa Explains
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- Knick knack paddy whack, I still got
the biggest sack
- He is I and I am him
- When you dis Dre fool, you dis yourself
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