To impress the bear’s girlfriend
You thought it was a cougar
You assumed the forest gave you home-court advantage
It took your pic-inic basket
… Read More
Eggbeater
Feminism
Fake drowning and a CPR class
Fishing pole with baby food on it
Macgyver
Specially trained hamster
Bernoulli’s Principle
Turkey baster full of chili oil
Two days, a TLC camera crew, and $1000
Abstinence and a time machine … Read More
Smoking a cigarette after nothing
Picnic in Lonely People’s Park
Half a Luther Vandross album
Seeing Sartre’s No Exit
Dinner plus silent film for silent evening
Candlelit masturbation
You and me and the bottle minus you plus another bottle makes … Read More
All your leeches are dead
Your ears are so stopped up it sounds like the doctor keeps saying “cancer”
Tums cause you to explode
Your throat is so sore you don’t even want to eat brains anymore
It’s autographed
Ebola-ridden … Read More
The thing where you spin around the baseball bat and then run your ass off
“A drunk driver says what?”
Reaching the fourth world of Super Mario 3 without using the raccoon tail
Bribing the officer…test
Setting the drunk driver … Read More
Promising Ten But Delivering Nine
Putting a Handkerchief in a Young Madam’s Bosom
Putting Things Where They Ought Not Be
Being an Utter Hooligan
Putting Spirits in Ginger Ale
Putting Dijon Mustard on a Hot Cross Bun
Whitewash-related Fibbing
Tying … Read More
“I’m seeing U.N. me getting it on, IMFing you from behind, and NAFTA we can get some breakfast. Just don’t give me USAIDs.”
“What’s the point of going to college when you can get a B.A. in Poli Sci?”
“All … Read More
“So you’re a psychologist, eh? Well, what am I thinking right now?”
“I’m that father figure you’ve always been looking for.”
“You can put away the bell, I’m already drooling.”
… Read More
Lou Gehrig
Leon Powelio
Yo-Yo Ma-laria
Gangrenous Khan
Peter SARSgard
Ray RaMono
Dysenteri Hatcher
Gonorrhea Perlman
Scarlet Fever Johansson
Margaret Cholera
… Read More
Ctrl-Alt-Del not working
Town’s just one long dead-end drive since the factory closed down, so maybe it’s time to pack up your lucky hat and suitcase full of dreams and hit the road like the young guys says they should, … Read More
