Top Ten Signs Your Common Cold Isn’t So Common

  1. All your leeches are dead
  2. Your ears are so stopped up it sounds like the doctor keeps saying “cancer”
  3. Tums cause you to explode
  4. Your throat is so sore you don’t even want to eat brains anymore
  5. It’s autographed
  6. Ebola-ridden chimps won’t hang out with you anymore
  7. Someone sends you a “May It Come Swiftly” card
  8. Doctor keeps trying to zip up the bag over you
  9. After nine months, you give birth
  10. It speaks with a dignified British accent