Nigeria, Rwanda, Cameroon, and other West African nations agree, once again, that when it comes to being a hip, down-to-earth, funny, and approachable nation, the one word which comes to everyone’s lips is “Chad.”
Even while the nations around Chad … Read More
In a joint session of Congress this week, both houses moved to declare a “thumb war” on Iraq. Citing numerous violations of the Geneva Convention including “sorta moving up their arm to get better leverage,” Senator Phil Gramm (R-Texas) said … Read More
UC Berkeley sophomore David King remains devastated, one night after a near-encounter with the girl of his secret dreams resulted in one-sided heartbreak. Upon seeing fellow sophomore Emma Sullivan walking hand-in-hand with an as-yet unidentified male companion on Channing Way, … Read More
Ye’d ne’er believe how very mooch it hurts te slam yer delicate doock head inte a solid sea o’ gold coins. More’n a wee bit, Ah kin tell ye that mooch. Ah’m in an ache from spatz te noggin. Moother … Read More
Soft serve afficionado and casual homophobe Dave Fulsom proved quite the fool last Wednesday at the Unit 2 DC, where the freshman took advantage of the soft serve machine to unintentionally fashion himself what by all reports appeared to be … Read More
As the rest of the country lags behind with such antiquated forms of communications technology as semaphore and non-digital cellular phones, the city of Berkeley is now officially in the Future. This exciting leap forward comes thanks to the high-tech … Read More
Bowing to criticism from Native American advocates, the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs have announced that they will be changing their name. “For too long we have shamelessly exploited the Native American and his tradition,” said teamspokesman Martin London, “and for … Read More
The Daily Californian took a shit on sophomore Davey Tenitt yesterday afternoon around 4:30. Though the paper has been metaphorically crapping on students for many years this abrupt shift to literal defacation left bystanders stunned. The victim was unable to … Read More
Shoppers witnessed a dairy disaster at a local Safeway yesterday when the Yoplait section got out of control. “Several Mixed Berries ventured into the Custard zone and a riot broke out,” detective Nick Lombardi said. Among the reported injuries were … Read More
More than thirty Alameda County judicial officials stormed into a BAMN meeting last Tuesday, completely disrupting the proceedings. After being told that they would get their turn to speak, a cry arose from the crowd of judges, bailiffs, and court … Read More
