Cafe Intermezzo customer Jerome Hill, who really doesn’t deserve this kind of abuse, ordered a sandwich & salad combo today, specifically asking for any and all sprouts to be omitted from both components of his otherwise standard order.
“No sprouts … Read More
Pillsbury announced the release of new “Ready to Eat” Cookies this week, the latest product in the company’s successful “Baking for Retards” product line. Unlike previous products such as “Ready to Bake” cookies, which consist or small cubes of dough … Read More
After nearly 84 consecutive hours spent within the walls of his apartment, student John Patterson will be venturing outside tomorrow, probably. Speaking from his living room couch, behind a haphazard pile of empty soda cans, pizza boxes, and half-eaten packages … Read More
A large group of organized protestors who had blocked access to a major campus building yesterday found themselves all but ignored by friendly UC police officers. The protest continued well into the night, until protestors got kind of bored, decided … Read More
A recent study by the McGill company has found yet more damning evidence linking video game violence with the real-life behavior of the people who play them. At the heart of this study, however, was not the often-analyzed alien bloodbaths … Read More
Cal freshman Jamie Swintek recently returned home to discover her childhood bedroom was metamorphosed into the family entertainment room. Swintek’s mom, Mrs. Swintek, was reported as saying, “When Jamie left for college, it was really hard on the whole family. … Read More
Spurred by the popularity of the Daily Californian’s hand-sketched columnist portraits, the UC Police Department has hired Hirem Wollingsworth, the artist responsible for the drawings, to sketch suspects based on descriptions.
Although Wollingsworth eagerly accepted the position and has already … Read More
More Sleep started off its season strong with a brutal victory against Eight O’clock Class. This is its second victory in the Freshman Year Series and a promising sign for its future career in the pros. Eight O’clock Class started … Read More
After nearly three decades, the anti-rape and domestic violence organization known as Take Back the Night has succeeded in reclaiming the hours between sundown and sunrise.
The transfer occurred after an official delegation from the Internation Brotherhood of Rapists and … Read More
ASUC senators this week passed a bill requesting that UC Berkeley students “please stop getting caught in fires,” along with formally condemning those who do. Actually dying in fires is particularly frowned upon in the hard-hitting bill, which offers more … Read More
