ASUC Fights Fire with Paper

ASUC senators this week passed a bill requesting that UC Berkeley students “please stop getting caught in fires,” along with formally condemning those who do. Actually dying in fires is particularly frowned upon in the hard-hitting bill, which offers more lenient disapproval for those who successfully escape fires by jumping out second-floor windows.

“Home fires in Berkeley are becoming all too common this year.” said ASUC President Alex Ding, who felt the student government should do its part to prevent further blazes. “The ASUC stands united as an organization firmly opposed to tragedy,” Ding added, lauding the bill as a welcome return to relevant Senate business which directly benefits students.