“Do you have the time to listen to me whine”
– some local punk
I think it finally hit me that something was amiss when I caught myself actually stalking Chancellor Tien on Tuesday. You see, we had come up … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Lo-CAL Course Announcements
The University of California at Berkeley is proud to announce a new series of courses specifically designed for Stanford transfers, rear-entry students, football players, Llama-Americans or any students desiring an easier “A-“. The program has attracted some of the finest … Read More
English Majors: An Abomination Unto the Lord
Realize right now that your choices are limited when it comes to declaring a major. There are the geeky-freaky-neolithic-y sciences, math, etc. Then there are the social sciences, but I still don’t know exactly what a social science entails, and … Read More
Gorillas In Our Midst
It was with great anticipation that I began my latest in-field study of the tribe of the KEG House. The last segment of my thesis on white decadent sub-cultures was to be brief, a mere day, but it enjoyed optimal … Read More
Short Conversations
“Do you masturbate?”
“Just socially.”
“We at CalPIRG are distributing these paper flyers to fight deforestation.”
“Stupid is as stupid does.”
“Fuck off Forrest.”
“Bless you my son.”
“Ooh! It’s sticky.”
“How do you compliment a North Carolinan?”
“I like … Read More
Another Saturday Night with Dave Barnett
I hate Saturday nights. They exist only as a reminder that life is not fair. Take last Saturday night for example. The day started out all right — I heard that there was going to be a party. A party!! … Read More
Building the Promise Photo Essay
maybe will have photos later
By now, you’ve probably noticed that every department on campus, with the possible exception of your own, seems to have a brand, spanking new or newly-refurbished building in which to hang its hat. Besides making the campus a more pleasant … Read More
Two types of people
The world is divided into two types of people. We know this to be true. That’s why every Presidential election always comes down to a race between two candidates, except in cases where some cosmic force causes a small gnome … Read More
Best of Squelch Classifieds
Hairy feminist seeks same. Send photo of legs to Gretta Box 14.
Freshman rushee needs retro-hip Elvis attire to appear ironic to frat brothers. Ernie, KA
Agoraphobic, asexual transvestite seeks non-smoking trapeze artist for swinging good time. Call Freddy, 222-1748.… Read More
The Truth About…Income Tax
You may have never even thought twice about it, but the primary purpose of your federal income tax return is not to help the government make sure your have paid the correct amount of taxes for the year, but actually … Read More
