Past Imperfect
Desired clientele: English teachers
Undesired clientele: The passive voice
Décor: Flowery, yet subtly evocative of customers’ inner thoughts
On the TV behind the counter: _Masterpiece Theater
_
Signature cocktail: The Dylan Tonic
Stalag 17
Desired clientele: WWII … Read More
EnglishIsExcellent: Good evening miss.
HotSexBabe396: hey there mister
EnglishIsExcellent: What is your age, sex, and location?
HotSexBabe396: 18 f sf
EnglishIsExcellent: Would you like to put that into a complete sentence? It would make it a lot sexier.
HotSexBabe396: not … Read More
The call from HQ came in about 3 AM, activating my special communicator. “The tech boys sure are weird,” I thought to myself. “It doesn’t look like a blackberry at all.” My mission was deceptively simple: PrintCo had blueprints of … Read More
Many know about In’n’Out’s “Secret Menu,” which includes popular but not officially announced delicacies such as Protein Burgers and Animal Style fries. But only a select few members of a highly selective selection committee know about In’N’Out’s Secret Secret Menu. … Read More
Aries (3/21-4/20)
Single? Cautious Saturn says that your landlord is likely to finally call the police on you, so now might be a good time to steal all the copper wire and flee the county.
Hooking? _ _Remember to … Read More
For all you trainers who have conquered Pokémon: Emerald Green _and _Pokémon: Ruby Red, a brand new challenge has arrived: Pokémon: Morally Grey ! Journey to where no Pokémon trainer has ventured before: the world of underground dog fighting!… Read More
(Camera pans stylishly over the façade of a modest two-bedroom house in suburbia. Cue theme music, which is either Kanye West’s “Stronger” or Kanye West’s “Stronger (Remix).” The door opens to reveal a pregnant woman wearing a loose-fitting T-shirt … Read More
All right you nitwits, get your asses over here and huddle up. I got some things to say. I’ve never seen such a pathetic performance. At this point I’m seriously considering just benching all of you and subbing in your … Read More
CUjo theBIGASS DOG
By drunk Stephen King
“oh, shIT” thought this fuckin woman as she got into her car. “loook at that fucking dog. i am just goonna lie down”
she lied down in the car because she was tired… Read More
Anderson Cooper : Before we get going, I just gotta say: I am a HUGE fan. Thank you for granting me this interview.
Anderson Cooper : (laughs) Please, the pleasure is all mine. I’ve never met such an attractive reporter.… Read More
