We sat down at a corner table at a local coffee shop. It was late afternoon, and a ficus tree cast a ghostly shadow on his gaunt figure. He was unshaven, and clumps of dirt and grass clung to his … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Looking Through the Porthole
I’m tired of living a lie. I simply can’t take it anymore. I have labored under the weight of this burden for too long, and I feel that it is crushing me. I simply have to free my soul from … Read More
Tele-BEARS
A Love Story
I am in love with the Telebears lady. For four years now, I have enjoyed the alluring sound of her throaty yet delicate voice. It taunts me like a two year old child with an ice cream cone. My love … Read More
My Nutty Problem
As if finals weren’t bad enough, I had to get an infection in my scrotum as soon as classes ended. I first realized that there was a problem when I noticed that, every forty-five minutes or so, regardless of what … Read More
Lucrative Stalk Options
You know those shirts that say “Baseball is Life” or “Football is Life”? Well, I want one that says “Stalking is Life.” Following a random cute person around is what makes classes worth going to. The possibility of seeing my … Read More
The Ballad of the 100<sup>th</sup> Big Game
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the hundredth Big Game, this time last year.
The day was historic, so listen full well
Though, of football glory, there’s little to tell:
One yard if by running and two from … Read More
A Guide to Shorthand Conversations
Recently, the amount of meaningless, worthless conversations on the Berkeley
campus has escalated to a disturbing level. Perhaps it’s just the angst of
post-modern man, maybe it’s the anxiety caused by the impending millennium,
or maybe it’s just nostalgia for … Read More
Completely Unsubstantiated Rumors
Y2K? WHY NOT?: By now, most intelligent citizens and a few people who live in New Hampshire have heard of the Y2K problem. Some may have confused this with the ESPN2 problem, and those unfortunate souls will be left in … Read More
Why Everything is So Completely Worthless
Three years at Cal. Like most of my classmates, I’ve taken part in discussions on topics ranging from affirmative action and campaign finance reform to the Vietnam war and America’s role in the post-cold war global economy. I’ve been immersed … Read More
An Objective Look at Cal Cheerleaders
On several occasions. I’ve been forced to sit through a spectacle more frightening than an all-night Step by Step marathon. Yes kiddies. I’m talking about Cat’s cheerleaders. It’s a well-known fact that the “No fruit, glass, or cans” rule at … Read More
