I’ve never told anyone this before, but I can’t keep it bottled up any longer. Sometimes, while sitting in my higher math class taking careful notes on the insane ramblings of the wild crazy bearded man at the front of … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Words from the Top
Class of 2004: Don’t Sing It, Bring It
Whitney Houston once sang, “I believe that children are the future/ Teach them well and let them lead the way.” True, she also later said, “I believe that Bobby Brown’s recording career has a future,” but that shouldn’t detract from … Read More
The First Time I Got Lay’d
I still remember the first day I put a Salt & Vinegar chip in my mouth. It was ninth grade, and I stayed after school for our weekly Academic Decathlon study sessions. A prerequisite for these meetings was bringing snacks, … Read More
An Exploration of the Proper Relations Between Men and Women
Don’t get me wrong, I am a fairly liberal guy. I believe that men and women are full social, political, intellectual and artistic equals. Furthermore, as a result of the previous liberal and virtuous propositions, men and women should go … Read More
Let Me See Those Want Ads
An Interview with Sisqo
Squelch: Hi Sisqo, thanks for coming down to the office on such short notice.
Sisqo: No problem. What would you like to talk about?
Guys: What, what, what?
Squelch: Uh, what’s the deal with these guys?
Sisqo: Oh, they’re always … Read More
I know Eric Gamonal
Have you met Eric Gamonal? He holds no office yet most senators like him. He dates few women but many find him irresistible. Friends he has many, as well as an ever-expanding pool of acquaintances. Often times I think of … Read More
Great Moments in Napster History
Mid-19th century: Cherokee Indians exchange war songs through intricate system of smoke signals. Shut down when Sitting Bull sues, demanding $100 and a buffalo pelvis for each of his songs traded in that manner.
1874: Karl Marx’s General Theory on … Read More
Why does Nobody Ever Want to Watch the Video of Me Beating Rush’n Attack?
Growing up in Sweden, I realised a great many things about a great many people, including myself. I learned that no matter how tough you think you are, people can always hurt your feelings. For example, although I carry Mark … Read More
#2 Pencil Not Included
As part of its program to review and rate all of UC Berkeley’s offered courses so that nobody in the Greek System accidentally gets an education, the ASUC announced last week that it will be providing excerpts from the final … Read More
The Adventures of Ishi, Last of His Tribe
Buying Books
Clerk: OK, Ishi, this comes to $54.35.
Ishi: Can I write you a check?
Clerk: Sure, I just need to see your Cal ID or driver’s license.
Ishi: My Yahi ancestors believe that when a person is photographed, … Read More
