Congratulations on missing the deadline for private school applications! Welcome to Cal!
Remember how in high school you had to put up with a lot of bullshit extracurricular activities and student groups? Remember how everyone in high school said … Read More
There comes a time in every man’s life when he reaches a sacred right of passage, and the lessons he has learned congeal into a thick grease of responsibility and maturity. Before that, though, he turns 18 and goes to … Read More
**Reading Comprehension
**
After reading the following passages, choose the best answer for each question.
1.
Which of the following best summarizes the main point the author is trying to make?
A)“Zippers are a menace.”
B)“Proper pubic hair maintenance is … Read More
Improviser 1: All right, for this scene, we’re going to need a trope. Tropes, anyone?
Audience Member 1: A wedding cancelled due to a miscarriage!
Audience Member 2: A man, trapped, sees no other course but to end his life!!… Read More
In these uncertain times, when the world is changing too rapidly to keep track of and society seems just one more Hulk Hogan-themed reality show away from collapsing into utter chaos, many people will look anywhere for stability and … Read More
Every now and then I find myself thinking, “Max, what if carnies were real people? Where would they go? What would they do?” As it turns out, this summer I had the distinct displeasure of working at the Santa Cruz … Read More
Lead a life of debauchery? Sinned against nature? Rejected the legitimacy of your one/multiple true God/gods? Use this handy reference to see just what you ought to expect.
Catholicism
What Your Hell is Like: Not as grandiose or visually … Read More
Dear Miss Methiquette,
No matter what I try, my common-law husband always takes more than his fair share of meth. He says that because he’s bigger, he requires more to get high, but according to our police records we both … Read More
My last semester at Cal roughly resembles an Isaac Asimov short story in which an intrepid interstellar explorer lands on a mysterious and seemingly deserted ice planet, only to discover that the University of California at Berkeley has expelled him … Read More
Annnnnnd there.
Wow. I…was…amazing. Did you see me? I was like the champagne of sex-having. I got all up in there. I built a house in there. I joined the PTA in there. That is my home. Your snatch is … Read More
