“Daddy,” came the voice from behind as Mr. Levine tried to tiptoe quietly out of the room. “Can you tell me a bedtime story?”
Mr. Levine sighed heavily. He was a busy man. Overworked, prematurely gray at the temples, and … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Words from the Top
Shrimperstar!
I had always assumed that all shrimp were peeled by hand. Because how could anyone build a machine to peel shrimp? You can’t build a machine to peel shrimp. Shrimp are small, fragile, and slippery. Furthermore, the peeling process is … Read More
Una Noche de Amor
El primer 5 minutos son 200 pesos/minuto. Cada segundo minuto es 300 pesos/minuto. Gracias por usar Una Noche de Amor. Te estamos esperando.
Asucar: Bienvenido a Una Noche de Amor. -+Que es t+A| +A|nico deseo?
Steve: Buenos tardes se+A|ora. -+Como … Read More
You Can’t Do That in Berkeley
Scene: Firing squad
Alasdair stands against a post with his hands behind his back. El Capitano calls out to offscreen firing squad.
El Capitano: Ready . . . aim . . .
Alasdair: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Stop … Read More
Summer Cinema Review
by T. Winston McCranahan, the man who creates devastatingly negative reviews by making awkward puns on movie titles
The dog days of summer brought America some films that were quite dog-like indeed. Or, should I say, Cats and Dog(s)-like! Ha! On with the reviews!
Pearl Harbor: With leaden acting, inept plotting, and a soul-crushing running time of … Read More
Worst Case Scenario Handbook
Berkeley Edition
Failing Classes
- SLEEP WITH PROFESSOR. This may not help your grade. However, you will have a great story for Playboy.com’s On Campus section.
- BUY BOOKS. Actually owning class reading material may come in handy when trying to convince the GSI
He Won’t Invite You to Sleep Over?
5 NEW Reasons Why!
Many women have the problem of not feeling comfortable demanding the things they want. And while subtly hinting at things in a roundabout fashion can offer numerous opportunities to plunge into inexplicable fits of rage or depression when unstated demands … Read More
Donuts are Better than Shoes
Ladies, I know how it is. You pass by a shoe store, you start brimming with glee, and you just have to get in there and shop, shop, shop. I know this, because I’m the same way. Being a man, … Read More
Artificial Conversations
Chatbot: The Squelch interview
We caught up with Chatbot on the promotional website for A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Polite and stylish, Chatbot proved to be a real people person.
Chatbot: Hello, my name is Chatbot. What’s your name?
The Heuristic Squelch:… Read More
Memoirs of a Do-It-Yourself Astronaut
Once, when I was wee, Dad took me to the Museum of Science and Industry. The M of S & I, if you have never had the pleasure, is an institution rich not so much in tradition and wide-eyed wonder … Read More
