Reeling from record-low World Series ratings, baseball commissioner Bud Selig yesterday unveiled a new marketing strategy to revitalize interest in the sport. Baseball will be disbanded.
Speaking at a news conference, Selig explained, “In lieu of playing a full season, … Read More
Most people think that finding a long lost twin would be really cool. But then again most people are complete fucking idiots. Case in point, Mormons.
Me: [opens door] Oh my God! You…you look just … Read More
You: Finally, I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Are you ready for some yoga?
Yoga Instructor: You know, it’s been a long day, and I’m really tired…I’m just not in the mood right now. Is that … Read More
Picture this: You’re casually practicing volleyball at a Malibu beach court with your handsome heterosexual best friend, Chet, discussing the subjects that every straight man thinks about: girls, highlighter shorts, the proper form for a leg press, watching football, and … Read More
Welcome Almost Berkeley Students.
Congratulations
on your “legitimate” acceptance. Looks like all
that hard work finally made up for you being at
least a semester dumber than your peers! I mean
sure, you were president of your graduating class
and … Read More
_Hi WASPs, I’m Daniel Brady. From my name you’re probably guessing that I’m white too, but I’m not. I am an Irish/African-American male who happens to looks like a Native American version of Aladdin. As complicated as this may seem, … Read More
In the 24th century, a new chapter in the history
of civil rights was written. And it was written in binary.
1963 to 2304: And as it is written in the robot Bible, “…and ROBBIE begat AIBO, and AIBO
begat … Read More
Hey you. So you think you are so smart, with your handlebar mustache and Swarovski crystal monocle, but do not nod your top hat and shake your mutton chops resolutely in wondrous awe of your own perspicacity. Maybe you won … Read More
Jeremy Stout, a fifth-year mass communications major, has finally decided to depledge from fraternity Alpha Alpha Alpha after not getting any action at their “Pirates of the Caribbean” party last Friday.
For the party, AAA hired DJ Chentastic, who spun … Read More
The Guinness Brewing Company, world renowned for championing Irish stereotypes and for its quasi-popular Guinness Book of World Records, witnessed record-breaking bloodshed at its annual World Record Holders Convention in Burbank, California, last weekend.
According to preliminary reports, the incident … Read More
