QUESTION 1. Dear Farmer Steve, My girlfriend is constantly bugging me about my social life. She keeps bitching that I never spend anytime with her and that I’m always out drinking with my friends! What can I do to get … Read More
Tag Archives: Dan Freedman
Take off that fucking trucker hat
Dear posers,
Take off that fucking trucker hat.
I hate all of you wannabe skater punks who think it’s cool to get paid $16K a year to drive across country with only your CB radio and a half gallon of … Read More
U.S. Troops Not Exactly Sure Where They Are
Yesterday U.S. troops stormed a hostile Iraqi city only to discover that they weren’t even sure where they were.
According to one soldier, “Shit it’s hot. Are we in Kabul or Baghdad? Whatever, let’s get ready to bomb something.”
According … Read More
Writer Drunk
This just into the newsroom: I am so wasted. Some friends and I landed at a topless bar and some chick picked up dollar bills with her ass. We beered lots of orders and shots. I got hammered. I mean … Read More
The Moderate’s Hell or Heaven?
As a political moderate, I have it really tough. I have found that I am often torn between two sides of my personality: my conservative, semi-balding briefcase-toting self, and my unbathed, salad-eating, pot-smoking self. Often times, both sides seem to … Read More
Dear Bachelorette Trista,
First off let me say you made the right decision; but you definitely made the wrong choice. What do I mean by that you ask? Well let me explain.
When you cut the first 24 guys, you were right on … Read More
Bush Concedes to Worldwide Protestors
According to the White House, President Bush conceded that the recent anti-war protests were powerful enough for him to surrender his power as president to mob rule.
“The President has decided to relinquish the power of the executive branch of … Read More
THE ALPHA MALE!!
Part man, Part lion, and a 100% pure man-lion
Pssst.. Hey loser! I’m talking to you. Yeah, you with the eyebrows and teeth. Let me ask you a question. Do you want to get all the Ladies? Do you want to be that guy who makes out with a … Read More
Iraq Imposes Sanctions on U.S.
Last week saw a drastic turn of events in the tenuous Iraqi situation. Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced last Thursday that Iraq will begin to impose economic sanctions on what he described as the “Fulcrum of Evil.” In a speech … Read More
